Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi (2008): the smiling face of misogyny. In addition to the overt misogyny of “grab ‘em by the pussy," it is important to call out the times and places women are kept “in their place” “for their own good” in insidious, smiling, subtle ways. Sexism also looks like the widespread surprise that Teen Vogue attacked Trump’s gaslighting, jokes that Meliana Trump is an abused wife, and the wikipedia gender gap.

Which brings us to RNBDJ, a film about a bereaved woman being emotionally manipulated by her dying father into marrying a stranger- who then deceives and manipulates his young wife for the entire film. Because both father and husband “love her”. Not to be confused with trusting her to be able to survive and thrive without a man taking care of her. Freedom from self-determination.

Now we walk along the same street, in red pairs, and no man shouts obscenities at us, speaks to us, touches us. No one whistles. 

There is more than one kind of freedom, said Aunt Lydia. Freedom to and freedom from. In the days of  anarchy, it was freedom to. Now you are being given freedom from. Don't underrate it.

-Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale (1985) 

Now- the theme of performance is a fascinating one, particularly in the context of a relationship. How long can a person maintain a facade, what does it mean to perform gender or love, and if it is ultimately possible to stop performing. RNBDJ also features wonderful music, great performances, and charming chemistry. Shah Rukh Khan reminds all of it why he is a star- he is funny and moving by turns, and steals every single scene he is in.

But none of that can overcome the power imbalance between Taani (Anushka Sharma) and her husband Suri (SRK). There is a chilling scene in which Taani asks Suri for money to take a dance class. The scene makes me cringe- it has been a long time since I asked anyone for money, and I didnt like it then any more than I would now; but I remember my grandmother telling me about getting her first check book and credit cards. She was already in her 60s and had an MA in psychology (she went back to school during the second wave). I cannot imagine not having my own bank account, credit cards, career, apartment, and 401(k). Money is power is self-determination. Secret Superstar (2017) was devastatingly predictable, but it certainly got that part right.

Dum Laga Ke Haisha (2015) tells a similar story- a mismatched pair falling in love- in a completely different way. The title was translated as My Big Fat Bride; the groom, played by Ayushmann Khurrana, falls in love not because of the bride's appearance, but in spite of his own prejudices. The bride, played by Bhumi Pednekar (who won a well-deserved Filmfare Award for the role) is opinionated, whip-smart, stubborn, ambitious, and kind. Dum Laga Ke Haisha was awarded the Filmfare Award for Best Feature Film in Hindi and is available for purchase on youtube. I would highly recommend it as a refreshing alternative.

Film: Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi (2008)
Director: Aditya Chopra
Writer: Aditya Chopra
Country: India
Run time: 164 minutes
Language: Hindi